Vedic Community Forum

I want to thank our teacher for sharing the Bhakti teachings since September 2023. The journey has been deeply profound for me. I have been reflecting on this journey recently and notice that the word and embodied experience that marks my experience so far is surrender. I notice a deep level of shrada and surrender into Ishvara's plan. I notice in situations where historically I felt stuck or very "dry" there is now the sensation of a waterfall of knowing that Ishvara has me and that I can surrender to that trust alone. In that surrender arises a connection to self. I have just begun experiencing a connection to self as my ego is plugging into that source and light and disolving slowly into that love. Ishvara was at first only outside for me which was tricky for me because I grew up with an external punishing god who I vowed to never connect to again. I felt some resistance at first, but I trusted my teacher and continued to listen to her teaching (often on replay) knowing it was worth the wait. I also benefited from other students' shares when we met in a smaller group to discuss our histories with god. Through repetitive listening of the teachings I now deeply feel that there is no external vs internal god but it is all one. This reflection helps me to see that when hard things occur I know in my heart that it is Ishvara so I fight with reality less even as I keep boundaries. I allow what is unfolding to unfold. This was a big jump for me and now I feel reborn in a sense to my true self which is one with Ishvara. Often I have pictures in my mind of the bhakti stories our teacher described. I picture all the women doting over the baby krishna and how he was at other times fed berries having been chewed by his devotees. These images conjure a feeling of deep love for Ishvara that I feel inside my body. It feels like the expansive space recently discussed in the Satsang that we can feel inside. One of the most profound experiences I am having is that love seems to emanating out of me. I took my teacher's advice to examine where are there some people who I still struggle to love. I found someone who has recently had a difficultly in their jiva life. I found myself naturally sending love to the cracks where there was still resentment. I could visualize the love filling those cracks as one puts calk in between tiles. The love for this person does not only benefit him, but all humanity. I can feel that so deeply. One last piece I have noticed is that I have been more reflective and more in silence. When I first joined this community I shared here after ever class. Now, I feel less of a need to speak as much and really take the time to integrate the work personally. I am grateful for this journey and my heart and soul thank our teacher.

Jai Maa!